Am I Dating a Narcissist?
Here are some warning signs that a person you have met or are starting a relationship with may be a Narcissist.
He may blame every error of his, every inadequacy or mishap on other people, or on the world at large.
He may be hypersensitive to slights and insults. He may treat children or animals with little care and respect.
He may be too eager to get more time together and create a fast and furious relationship.
He can immediately cast you in the role of the love of his life and press for exclusivity and instant intimacy. He may text or phone you incessantly, or need to know where you are at all times.
He may not respect your boundaries and privacy, or may ignore your wishes, or want to be included in everything you do.
He may tend to want to control the situation and you compulsively, eg insist you ride in his car, hold on to the car keys, the money, or the theatre tickets. He may disapprove if you are away for too long, and interrogate you when you return. He may insist on a dress code.
He may act in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticise you often. He may emphasise your smallest faults (devalues you) even as he exaggerates your talents, traits, and skills (idealises you).
He may be wildly unrealistic in his expectations from you, from himself, from the budding relationship, and from life in general.
He may tell you that you make him feel good. Next thing, he may tell you that you make him feel bad, or that you make him feel violent, or that you provoke him.
He adopts a physical posture which implies and exudes an air of superiority, seniority, hidden powers, mysteriousness or amused indifference.
He takes part in social interactions and banter condescendingly, from a position of superiority.
He may ask for special treatment of some kind. Not to wait his turn, to have a longer or a shorter therapeutic session, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries), to be granted special payment terms, to enjoy custom tailored arrangements, and can
frequently and embarrassingly dress down service providers such as waiters or cab drivers.
He flatters, adores, admires and applauds you in an embarrassingly exaggerated and profuse manner.
In general, he prefers show-off to substance and is shallow. He will not admit to ignorance or to failure in any field.
He may brag incessantly. His speech is peppered with I, my, myself, and mine. He describes himself as intelligent, or rich, or modest, or intuitive, or creative, but always excessively, implausibly, and extraordinarily so.
His past life may sound unusually rich and complex. His achievements often seem beyond his age and education. Yet, his actual condition is in reality incompatible with his claims. He name-drops and claims other people’s experiences and accomplishments as his own.
He likes to talk about himself and only about himself. He is not interested in others or what they have to say. He is never reciprocal. He acts disdainful, even angry, if he feels an intrusion on his precious time.
In general, he is very impatient, easily bored, with strong attention deficits, unless and until he is the topic of discussion.
If you ask him about his emotions, he will intellectualise, rationalise, or talk about himself in the third person and in a detached scientific tone.
He may become enraged when required to examine his motives, fears, hopes, wishes, and needs.
He is usually very serious about himself. He may possess a fabulous sense of humour, scathing and cynical, but rarely does he make jokes at his own expense.
If you have found that you are already in a relationship with a Narcissist, and would like relationship counselling, or help in leaving a Narcissist, contact us at the Hart Centre Australia. We have over 50 Psychologists around Australia who have been educated in Narcissism and can knowledgably help you in dealing with your situation. We also offer Skype sessions for overseas clients or those you can’t attend one of our centres. Phone Australia 1300 830 553, or +617 55190004
Relationship Combatibility Factors
Relationship and Marriage counseling can help you find out how suitable you are.
The two most important factors that determine how compatible you are as a couple are:
A similar degree of psychological health and maturity and a compatible ranking of Instinctual Variants.
What are Instinctual Variants?
The 3 Instincts represent the inherant energy or drive that are inherently part of us as humans. Our actions are highly engaged with and often dependent on these libidinal, instinctual energies to give it its spark.
Self Preservation Instinct.
People of this Instinctual variant are often with the essential survival needs as they translate into our modern society, for example, money, food, accomodation, health, physical safety and comfort.
Being secure and physically comfortable are priorities, and they will often bring their supplies with them.
When entering a room, they will tend to notice lighting, uncomfortable chairs, the room temperature, when the coffee break will be, and whether they will enjoy the food provided. They tend also to be the most practical in the sense of taking care of important life necessities.
They are the most introverted of the types.
Sexual/ Intimate Instinct.
People of this kind have a intense desire for intensity of experience and affection. The forthright riveting gaze is the dead giveaway. When they enter a situation they gravitate toward people they feel attracted to, as if they are looking for the juice. These people can turn into intimacy junkies, often ignoring pressing matters or even basic maintenance if they are infatuated with something that has captivated them. This gives a wide ranging exploratory philosophy to life, but can also generate a lack of focus of one’s own priorities.
Social Instinct.
People of this type are preoccupied on their interactions with others and with the sense of value and esteem they derive from their participation in collective activities. These include occupation, family, hobbies and clubs.
On entering a room, these people would immediately be aware of the power structures and subtle politics between different people and groups. They are subconsciously attuned on other’s reaction to them, particularly about whether they are being accepted or not.
They need to interact with others to feel safe, alive and energised. They seem to enjoy interacting with others, but they avoid intimacy.
They are the most extroverted of the types.
Within a personality, one of these Instincts will predominate. In fact the 3 instincts can be ranked liked the layers of a cake, with the most dominant one at the top. The weakest one, at the bottom, is termed the blind spot.
These instincts play an essential role in our relationships because personalities of the same variant tend to share values and to understand each other innately, and therefore feel very compatible.
In relationships between 2 different Instinctual types, each will struggle to convert the other.
For further information on discovering whether you and your partner are compatible, contact the Hart Centre Australia. We are Australia’s premier relationship and marriage counselling service with 53 locations Australia wide, and 8 relationship counselling centres in Brisbane, 3 marriage counselling centres in the Gold Coast, and 2 relationship counselling locations on the Sunshine Coast. Phone 1300 830 552 for appointments at all centres.
For relationship counselling Brisbane, marriage counselling gold coast and marriage counselling sunshine coast, contact your local Hart Centre.
Relationship Counselling can help you discover more about yourself.
If you really want to look in depth at why the two of you have the unique relationship and problems that you have, look no further than the Enneagram.
One of the most helpful ways to examine yourself and just as importantly, how you may add to your relationship problems, is to look at your Enneagram profile.
The modern Enneagram is based on ancient Eastern wisdom combined with modern Psychological thought. There are 9 personality types each with different patterns of thinking, feeling and acting. Each style has its own natural strengths, faults, and blind spots.
When you know your Enneagram number, you can then be aware of the unconscious assumptions that drive the way you see yourself, do your work, and relate in your relationships.
And you can also understand why your partner seems to act in the strange, selfish, intrusive, self-interested, seductive or charming ways that he or she does.
Once you know how he or she see things from within, you can see why they do the things they do which makes perfect sense to them.
There are no types that are better than any other. Each is effective in their own way, but from a very different point of view.
• Ones want to make things right.
• Twos need to be of help.
• Threes are driven to succeed.
• Fours have a deep desire to be special.
• Fives want to be left alone to think.
• Sixes seek safety and support.
• Sevens are connoisseurs of life’s pleasures.
• Eights are driven to dominate others.
• Nines don’t want to make waves.
For more information on how your and your partner’s Enneagram types interact, call us at the Hart Centre. We are a group of Psychologists around Australia who are passionate about relationships and specialise in relationship counselling.
With 15 relationship counselling centres in Sydney, and 12 relationship counselling centres in Melbourne, you will more than likely find one near you. Phone 1300830552 for more details.
Remember, for relationship counselling Sydney or relationship counselling Melbourne contact the Hart Centre.