What is Narcissism?
Have you ever got the sense that your partner thinks he or she is generally superior to you, or more entitled to things than you are? Does he or she find a multitude of ways to devalue you or ignore you? Does he or he try to control you? If so, you may be living with a Narcissist.
Narcissism is considered a spectrum Disorder, which means that there are degrees of manifestation of the characteristics, so a person could have a couple of Narcissistic traits, right through to many or all, which means they would be closer to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as defined in the DSMIV.
Generally speaking, Narcissism is a condition of an Inflated False Self, which gives him or her a strong sense of self importance and a grandiose image of himself. He enters into relationships entirely for the purpose of keeping his grandiosity reinforced, as a source of Narcissistic supply for himself. He will idealise those who mirror this for him and devalue anyone as soon as they don’t. There is a real lack of genuine empathy for, or real interest in others, and a massive denial of his own problems, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.
How did you become a willing victim? Why you?
If you find yourself in a relationship with a Narcissist, at some stage you might wonder why you? What does this say about you, your tolerance for pain and your sanity?
It is true that there is a particular kind of person that finds themself with a Narcissist, at least often well beyond the first indication that there is an underlying nastiness in him.
The type of individual who seems to unwittingly attract a Narcissist is someone who has Borderline characteristics, (which has also been referred to as Co-dependent or compliant) and has a deflated false self.
In Transactional Analysis terms, a Narcissist’s underlying Life position is I’m Ok, You’re Not OK, whereas a Borderline’s underlying Life Position is I’m Not OK, You’re OK.
Interestingly, a Borderline’s profile is less defended that the Narcissist, and less destructive to others, and therefore closer to achieving a healthy relationship, if you can gain true insight into what is happening and what is going wrong in your relationships and be able to develop a stronger identity and boundaries.
Can our relationship be helped?
If both you and your partner are committed to make your relationship a healthy and happy one, then I believe this is worth working on.
Finding a Psychologist who is familiar and experienced with these conditions is important as Narcissism can be notoriously difficult to pick up in a few sessions if the Psychologist is not trained in this. (Education on Narcissism is taught in Psychology courses but does not fully explain the widespread occurrence of this condition, and also the full ramifications of this, particularly to the partner. We at the Hart Centre are committed to ongoing training in these areas and in supporting you in managing yourself and your relationships.)
The success of relationship counselling and marriage counselling depends on many factors, but is largely due to the commitment of both partners to see their patterns and contributions, and be willing to change.
You will often not know how willing you and your partner are to do this until you attempt to do so. You will be able to see for yourselves over 3 to 6 sessions what real effort each of you are putting in to see the problems, own your contributions and make changes.
We can also support you if you have decided to leave your Narcissistic partner, and want help and assistance in rebuilding your life.
The Hart Centre has 54 centres for relationship and marriage counselling around Australia, so you will most probably find one close to you. You will find our Sydney relationship counselling centres in 15 different locations in Sydney, both in the CBD and suburbs. In Adelaide we have relationship and marriage counselling centres in 5 locations across Adelaide. Phone 1300830552 to speak to our friendly receptionists.
For relationship counselling Sydney and marriage counselling Sydney contact the Hart Center. The Hart Center can also help with marriage counselling Adelaide.
How does Relationship Therapy Work?
Does relationship counselling work? How about individual therapy for anxiety and depression. Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney, a leading service provider, answers your questions about counselling therapy.
A common question asked by our clients is: ’Does counselling really work?’ You could be considering getting some help for your relationship, with an anxiety problem or stress, or maybe low mood or depression. Whatever the cause of concern, there’s good news: clinical counselling is proven to help people with complaints like anxiety and depression. And importantly also, relationship counselling for marriage or couple issues is a validated therapy for assisting couples to improve the quality of their relationship.
How does counselling work?
There are several types of treatments that counsellors can use to help you. The therapy they choose will depend on a counsellors training and their assessment of your problem. Some of the best validated treatments for anxiety and depression include cognitive behavioural therapy. This treatment works by looking into behaviours and thoughts that generally increase your level of anxiety or depression, and help you to overcome this habitual or patterned response. For example, those who experience anxiety could be telling themselves things like: ”I will never make it”, or ’I'll be terribly embarrassed if people see how nervous I am’. Such beliefs are recognised together with your therapist, and new, more accurate self-representations are then used to challenge these beliefs. With ongoing practice and some skills training like relaxation, very positive results are experienced by most people.
Can relationship counselling help my marriage?
It’s important to realise that relationships go through phases, from the initial honeymoon stage to a maturing of the relationships. For many couples, as the relationship matures, so do personal demands and responsibility, be it in the form of increased work pressure or children coming into the family, etc. As these common pressures increase, the partners in the relationship are no longer able to accommodate the other’s emotional needs, and conflict can develop - perhaps into frequent and recurring arguments. Relationship counselling helps each partner to learn to calm their own distress, and at the same time learn to identify and bring out into the open the unspoken needs that are not being met. Partners begin to negotiate what they can do for each other and which demands may need to go unmet. A new, more realistic life plan is identified.
What issues can our therapists help with?
Therapists and psychologists are trained to assist you through a wide range of issues including anxiety or stress, depression or sadness, marriage and couple issues, grief and bereavement, addictions, anger management, eating disorders and many other complaints of modern living.
How should I choose a counsellor or psychologist?
Get in touch with a registered counsellor or psychologist for a start to a better life. These licenced mental health professionals are able to work with you to overcome your emotional challenges. Depending on the country you are in you can seek assistance from the professional body that registers psychologists or counsellors in your state. In Australia, Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney can connect you with a registered therapist near you.
Associated Counsellors & Psychologists Sydney - psychologist services including, cognitive behavior therapy, general counselling, psychology and relationship counselling Sydney. Call (02)8205 0566 or visit 418/185 Elizabeth Street, Sydney 2000.
Taking your relationship for granted? Perhaps relationship counselling can help
Remember the early days when you first met your life partner? Those wonderful romantic sexy days when you adored being in each other’s company and could talk for hours. You would do those special things for each other just to see the look of delight on his/her face. They were the days when your relationship was rich and vibrant and you felt fully alive because of it.
Now the “Limerance” stage is long gone, as it always does. But have you replaced it with an even better version of a deeper fuller love? Or have you been taking your loved one for granted and busying yourself with other “more pressing things, like jobs and children and work around the house, and finances and friends?
One of the most common themes I find in my private practice as a Psychologist specialising in relationships is a “natural neglect” in secure relationships.
Even though everything in your shared life is based on a foundation of your love for each other, and your shared life, it’s all too easy to take for granted that your relationship will always be there, without realising that it, too, needs attending to and nurturing.
Perhaps you could check in with your partner and ask him/her how happy he or she is in your relationship, on a scale of 1 to 10. Then follow it with the more important question of “What would have to happen to make it a 10 for you?”
Keeping your relationship alive and vibrant needs ongoing attention, but not only does it make for a more enjoyable life, but is one of the most enduring aspects of a life well lived.
In the twilight years of one’s life, thoughts more often than not turn to how well did I love and be loved, rather than how much money will I die with.
If you’ve let your relationship decline, a relationship counsellor can show you, in a few sessions, how to reignite the fun, chemistry and love again.
At the Hart Centre Sydney, we have trained and experienced marriage and relationship counselling Psychologists in 15 locations across Sydney, so there is almost certainly one near you. In the city centre we have two Sydney CBD locations and also Bond, Crow’s Nest, Mosman and many more in outer suburbs. Please call our friendly receptionists on 1300 830 552.
For relationship counselling Sydney, contact the Hart Centre. Many marriages have been saved through relationship counselling. Sydney has many qualified relationship counsellors.